It’s hard to be happy with yourself nowadays with all of the standards set by society. People are expected to be successful, socially well-adapted, philanthropic, worldly, fit, loving, and family-oriented; all at the same time! Is there really enough time in the day for all of this? In the end, who are we trying to please anyway? Why
do we jump through hoops to be the perfect person?
I am happy quite simply because I am living! No really, that’s why…. You see I’ve recently come to the conclusion that life rocks, even when it sucks. I am lucky. I’m happy because I’ve got people in my life that love me, and I have dreams I’m beginning to work towards. I’m happy that I’m awake, aware of where I am and can see now that however vivid my dreams were - they were just in my head, but I’m also happy for those dreams because they make me see some of my issues I try to avoid during the day, they confront me and tell me I have things that still need healing! I’m mostly happy because today I feel like I can get through my problems, I’m happy because I know when this phase of my life is over, I’ll come out stronger and I won’t forget the friends I’ve made, during this healing process.
I am happy because things are never normal. I know most people just want a normal life, but I never really want one now. A lot of times when life gets crazy and hectic, I feel like I want it to be normal, but as soon as it is normal again I crave drama, I crave intensity. I guess my life’s never really been completely normal, but now I like it that way. What’s the point of living if everything’s automatic? That’s why I think life would be awful for robots. Six billion people on this planet and none of them are exactly alike any other. Uniqueness is awesome and allows for some pretty sweet adventures. I can’t think of one time I have been offered a chance for an adventure and turned it down, because I have come to realize that life is one big adventure. And believe me, I get that offer a lot these days….and I have learnt to deal with them.
I have a question for you all, what you see, do you really see me. Can you understand, what goes on underneath. What do you see, is it the effortless facade? The perfect hair and clothes, everyone wishing they knew me…. No one has ever seen who I really am, I only wish I could let them see.
Now I will tell you what you can’t see, sometimes I wish I could live effortlessly, not in the compulsions. My body cries out to me, telling me to stop, I close my ears…..There is no stopping, just another mile. The tears that come, when I look at myself…I see no beauty, all I can see are the flaws….Not perfect by any means, I know it’s wrong. When I hurt its worse, I get this obsessive need to run. Please listen to me, I cry and bleed, I am not close to perfection. See what’s really underneath; don’t just judge me by what you get to see.
This is me….and now no longer me….there are days when I go back to being like I have said above, but now I am trying to learn to pull myself out of it.
I am happy….happiness is within me….that is my soul. If you are happy, you feel the whole world is happy to see your happiness, and if you are unhappy you feel everyone is sad to see you in that state….I am happy because I can bring a smile on the faces of my dear ones…. I am satisfied with my acts…. I don’t keep any grudges against anybody. I am happy because I ought to be happy. This life is very short; I am astounded from where people bring time for jealousy and hatred….live your life to the fullest and be happy….I am happy because I choose to be.
My life took a drastic turn this year….I wasn’t sure where happiness fitted in my life anymore, but I have opened up my arms to it and trying to grab on to it tightly. At first I was in incredible pain, blinded by it for a long time….I stepped close to the edge. I am aware of how much pain I must have given to all around me, and I know that it would be wrong not to cherish what I have, which is my life. So I do, I cherish it and seek out happiness…..I am now again able to see the beauty in my surroundings……I am happy even though I will always carry my loss.
It took a while, but I have become happy with who I am….Thanks to some very important people in my life, who have actually taught me to love my self. I know there is always room for improvements but, after my life took a U turn, I started looking at me and realized I didn’t like me. I made a lot of changes so much so that everyone around noticed. Sure I have bad days, but I have more good days. It has been a long process….I have given years of my life in search of happiness. I have had to go through hell at times ...and it wasn’t easy at all. The first thing I did was try to change all of those things I didn't like about me. Also one of the most important things was ignoring other people’s thoughts about me and creating my own opinion about myself. You can't expect happiness to just land in your lap. You need to take the initiative to make changes that will make you happy.
It’s truly exhausting when you think about (or not) to be anything other than one’s “true” self. When you let go of putting on a persona of how you think others should view you/ acting pretentiously like someone you are not…it’s…freedom. Imagine just living and making the best out of the amazing vessel you embody in this moment. It seems so euphoric, but it’s an existence anyone can have. It’s hard right… particularly when one has developed habits of holding onto negativity and having that become part of your mental…your being….What would you do if you knew that in seven seconds, seven minutes, seven hours, seven days, seven months, or seven years, that your last breath would cease to be? How would you live?
How would you be, feel, love…? It’s never too late to start all over again….and be happy.
‘Let go of the past and go for the future. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you imagined.’ Henry David Thoreau
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