Arranged marriage vs Love marriage

                               A general definition of marriage is a social contract between two individuals that unites their lives legally, economically and emotionally. In legal terms, it is the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband and wife in a contractual relationship. It also gives legitimacy to sexual relations within the sanctity of marriage. Marriages fulfil the primal human need for intimacy and emotional nourishment. The partners help each other emotionally and financially, and accept a functional division of responsibilities in the house to make the relationship successful. This is the reason why there is hardly any other human relationship that can match marriage in its scope and depth. Marriages are basically of two types – arranged and those based on mutual attraction between the partners.
                            Which one is better – Love marriage or arranged? The issue is debatable all over the globe especially in eastern countries where arranged marriage is still a tradition.
                           Whenever we talk of Indian weddings, we try to associate it with arranged marriages. Due to the social structure, the concept of arranged marriage is prevalent in the Indian wedding scenario, since ages. On the other hand, love marriages were considered as a taboo among many Indian people. For them, two people should tie the wedding knot only with the consent of their parents and the blessings of their relatives. Most of us think that arranged marriage is the concept of Indian society. But history tells us that arranged marriages used to happen even in the Victorian age. The History of England shows that most of the kings and queens had arranged marriages. Education and media played a vital role in changing the perception of the Indian mind towards love marriage. Love marriage is supposed to provide freedom and more independence as compared to arranged marriages where the girl/boy is chosen by the parents. The usual question of love marriage voters against arranged one is that how can anyone marry the person whom they don’t know.
                           How many people today would agree that marriages are made in heaven and executed on Earth? Well, my guess is that not many. In fact, many people just balk at the idea of spending ones life with a complete stranger. Most people today would like to get to know a person (in more ways than one can imagine) prior to popping the question, thinking that it really matters. Well, I would agree that love marriages start of pretty well, but at times not all ends very well.
                         Nonetheless, love marriages are prevalent in almost all the societies of India , given the fact that they are still considered inferior to the weddings arranged by family. People supporting the concept of love marriage strongly believe that it is very important to know the partner before marrying him/her. On the other hand, people who believe in solemnizing the wedding with the permission of parents and relatives think that arranged marriages are long lasting.


“Those who talk most about the blessings of marriage and the constancy of its vows are the very people who declare that if the chain were broken and the prisoners left free to choose, the whole social fabric would fly asunder. You cannot have the argument both ways. If the prisoner is happy, why lock him in? If he is not, why pretend that he is?” George Bernard Shaw


                             When it comes to love marriage, the two people tie the nuptial knot only after falling in love and probably, after knowing each other for a long time. They get ample time to explore both the good and the bad things about each other, well before marriage. This helps them to develop a good comfort level after the wedding, very effortlessly. On the other hand, if two people do not know much about each other, when their marriage is arranged by their parents, then they might take some more time to develop a level of comfort and understanding. Here, love marriage scores more than arranged marriages.
                            In the case of arranged marriages, the married couple could resort to their parents or acquaintances at times of financial crises or other problems. In addition, if the marriage proves to be a failure, they have a number of people around them to seek support or to put the blame on. Their parents would come forward to solve the problems between the couple, if they have married with the family’s consent. This is the reason why arranged marriages are considered secure for many even today. Some people actually start their love life after the wedding and really learn to enjoy their new found happiness.
                           One of the most known negative factor in an arranged marriage is that all of a sudden you start your life with a person you have hardly interacted with. You don’t know the person or you may even not like the person you are getting married to, going ahead only because your parents and elders decided your marriage. In many cases, the girl is forced to sacrifice her likes and adjusts to reality. Some may just live their life believing it’s their fate and keep parents and the society happy, but some break up. Social evils like dowry, caste system, matching of horoscopes and community issues are taken at such extreme levels that many people have stopped supporting arranged marriages. Emotions can run pretty high and the outcome is quite severe, sometimes leading to death. Honour killing is a familiar phrase heard all over the world where sometimes families would rather die than allow their wards to get married to someone of their own choice.
                              Love marriages are successful only if a person has chosen wisely. This is not often the case because many such marriages are not a result of any careful deliberation or insight but raging hormones. As a result, after some years when the novelty wears off, the partners begin to lose interest in each other and try to broaden their horizons with new love interests. Often, there is a mismatch between social status, educational qualifications, financial resources and life’s goals and aspirations of the two individuals, which after some time becomes a cause of friction and eventually leads to separation.
                             All said and done, the secret of a successful marriage is the couple themselves…not arranged or a love marriage. They have the ultimate power to make their marriage a joyous and blissful one, if that is what they desire as they embark upon the journey. To decide which one is ideal is an unending debate. Love or arranged, both are based on empathy, responsibility, commitment, love and concern. A marriage needs a lot of dedication and effort to sustain the relation. So there is nothing like an ideal marriage, it’s all about the way you perceive it. The target is the happiness and stability of the marriage, whether it is love or arranged. Well, success of BOTH marriages depends on the individual…. Only if you find a person, to whom you can feel comfortable to live with, be happy and secure in their presence then, whatever, love/arranged or not being married at all….. you will be a happy person. Where love,respect,trust and appreciation are openly expressed,that home is the happiest one....so please put your best to save your marriage.


“Possibilities for the success of a marriage are endless. But you have to be willing to search for them.” Jason R. Redmond


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Labels:Marriage,love,arranged,society,relationship,family,happiness