Friday, August 12, 2011



This post is for two very special people in my life,I call them my soul sisters... Rimly Bezbaruah & Melissa Tandoc. I love you both,and this is my way of saying,you both are "THE BEST"...

Do you ever truly get over the most intense relationship in your life? Has the person you love more than anything in the world left you? Did the two of you break up? Have you been dumped, slighted, walked out on, or deserted for another? Does your heart ache and ache endlessly? Have you lost sleep, your appetite, or even your job? Are you caught in the grief? 
You always remember the love which gave you the most happiness, that person who swept you off your feet. Even though your relationship came to an end, is it ever possible to forget? Can you move on completely, or do you compare all future relationships to your "special" love?

"Sometimes losing your mate to a breakup can be far more devastating than losing someone to death"....
It is said that the second most intense life stresser is loss of love. The first is death. But I question this? Both are final. Both, in most cases, result in the physical removal of someone special from your life. Both result in the loss of a way of life we have become familiar with.  However with death you have the peace of knowing you were in your lost loved one's heart. You know you were not abandoned purposely, cast aside, or rejected. With death you can take off work and get sympathy. You can go through closing rituals and you can feel contentment that they are in a better place. But with breakups, separation, or divorce, even though you have the assurance that they are still alive somewhere on this Earth, their love was intentionally withdrawn from you. You no longer have their presence, nor their care. You can't have that person....And that is some pain.
The past hurts....especially if it involves someone you deeply loved....but there is one thing you can do....always be positive about yourself....when you think about the past, you feel demotivated and you tend to put all the blame on yourself and that is when you feel low. Do you think you would have been depressed if you put all the blame over your partner? Don't hurt yourself by thinking about the past,its not going to help you.Its going to make things far worse! As you move on....your past will mould you to a better person, that is if you try to be in a position to be “yourself”and learn to love yourself.Your past is what makes you who you are today....and in the future.
When you’ve lost someone you love, it’s easy to focus on the better parts of your relationship and life together. But, there was a reason you broke up, maybe even several reasons. Don’t ignore the “bad” parts of the relationship and idealize only the best portions…..instead, keep reminding yourself that you’re letting go of the past because holding on to it isn’t good for you.
There are some things we never ever get over, but we can still live a full and rewarding life and achieve our goals. Part of letting go of someone you love is accepting that you may never have all the answers. No matter how good, smart, helpful, giving, or attractive you are, you can’t control other people. If they leave you, they have their reasons….and sometimes those reasons have nothing to do with you. The sooner you accept your lack of control, the easier it’ll be to let go of someone you love. Letting go of the past isn't magic,you think and its done with.... You’re free, healed, and happy! Rather, letting go is a journey sprinkled with steps forward and steps backward, good days and bad days.
I think today I can say that I have learned how to love, let go, and open my heart to love again. And I’ve survived those heart-wrenching, gut twisting breakups that slam you to the ground and rip you to pieces.
Letting go is a process that takes time...and believe me,its not easy.
Let go..... Understand that there is no benefit in holding on to heartache, regret, and hatred toward another person. Realize that although it is over, your relationship with that person was unique and special in a lot of ways. You can congratulate yourself for being brave enough to take a risk and fall in love, and encourage your heart that even though love didn't work out this time, there will be a next time. Keep reminding yourself that a relationship is one part of life, but even when you are in one, there are personal pleasures that you can always enjoy on your own. Indulge in those things now.
As they say, the best revenge is living well....And for a change.....Enjoy being single......
That was the ultimate lesson in powerlessness and letting go for me.

Labels: Heartache,pain,love,life,letting go
Picture:Courtesy Google Images


  1. Loving and breaking up is part of learning... We learn from both experiences... We begin to know what pain is... so we can understand or help another. We learn what love is... so we can love others freely and fully...
    Enjoyed reading this.

  2. Alpana,

    I do so wish they made an on off switch for feeling. We care and love deeply the reverse side of that when we are "done wrong" by the ones we love is deep pain sorrow the hits us to the core of our souls.

    But out of this pain I pray we grow stronger and are able to love deeper than before.


  3. Romanticism of the past is a deadly trap. You are so right in everything you said. I have been there, oh boy have I. If I hadn't been there I would not have what I do now. For that I am ever grateful. It hurt beyond words,I can appreciate what I have now, because of that hurt.

    Wonderful post, thank you.

  4. good post alpana, if only letting go was simple. Why do we have hope?

  5. You know all that you have said in this post touched me deeply. It is not an easy journey moving forward and the only way to do is take baby steps forward, sometimes you move ahead and sometimes you move backwards. But move on you have to and never give up the hope that love will come again. Letting go is very hard but like you said we emerge stronger and once we accept that sometimes things aren't meant to be. Love you Alpana for this eye opener.

  6. You definitely hit the soft spots in my heart. I heard it thrice that day. I realized that his friend didn't give me hope, my mom disapproved of continuing it and you gave me a way to break free...Perhaps, God was telling me something through all of you.

    You've journeyed with me through this relationship from fire to heartache... and who, but you, could understand me perfectly...

    You asked me last night if I was okay... Soul sis,my heart is still weeping but it'll cease... maybe it's even a cry for joy that it has finally decided on what's best for it.

    I believe that God has something/ someone in store for me...

    I'll heed that's time to breathe...and enjoy life...

    I love you a lot...THANK YOU!

  7. I am already can't write's like death of myself..

  8. Wise words indeed, dearest Alpana. Hugs to three beautiful, loving women who it is a joy to know - you, Rimly and Melissa. The three of you are beautiful both within and outwardly - you have so much to offer and I know there's a special someone for the each of you.

  9. Hmmm very well put. I'm sure all of us can identify with that! Yes live well, have deserve to. Hugs...

  10. "You broke up for a reason" is a very powerful message and something I always tell people who are heartbroken over the loss of a relationship. You said when someone dies you know they are in a better place... well in a breakup it may not seem like you are in a better place but, you are. When a door closes a window opens. The best thing someone can do for you is to allow you to be free to find someone who is loving, respectful and a perfect match for you. It's an ending because without one there can be no new beginning.

  11. When somebody walked awy from my life, i had two choices, to mourn their loss asking myself why allowing my life to disintegrate around me, or to accept for my life's purpose to work it's way through there was a reason for it happening. I used this quote to give me strength and keep me out of the spirrling regret and sadness that waas waiting:
    "When people walk away from you, let them go. Your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you, and it doesn’t mean they are bad people. It just means that their part in your story is over".

  12. A beautiful tribute to some pretty amazing women by one herself. Love is the root of all emotions, happy and sad.What you say is so true, love will come again, keep hope alive. Be happy that you loved and maybe that love made you a better person.Thank those who loved you and bless those who left you, if it was meant to be, he wouldn't have gone away.Love will seek you when the time is right...

  13. When I broke up with my first wife I was devastated, this was my love and even though I knew it was time I hurt. part was the thought of would I ever find another. Then I received a letter from a women I had known sense childhood. That was 24 years ago, If I knew that she was there I would have left that marriage much sooner. It has been the best 24 years in my life!!! I believe that sometimes we start defining ourselves by our pain. WE almost revel in it. Until it stops you cannot move on!!
    Great post Alpana

  14. I have cried like a baby over all my passed relationships and will again if it were to happen. Then I will try and seek it out again.
    Well let me tell you! The term "seek and you will find" is rubbish!! As a love appears when you least expect it.
    It will come! Pardon the pun.


  15. Great post ALpana - I do believe it is really difficult to move on in life after a tragedy like a loss of someone you loved - be it death or separation. But you know the crazy thing about life is - it heals you when you are asleep and one day you wake up thinking "I can take this on". I do hope for Rimly and Melissa that this happens soon. I know it will.

  16. break-ups teaches us a lot...rightly said 'the best revenge is living well'....
    but it's is a tough path to take...

  17. I really enjoyed your very empowering words at the end, Alpana...a relationship is but one part of our lives, and even within a relationship, we still have to be ourselves, and express who we are through our own personal pleasures and interests. I chose to spend several years out of relationships and really got to know myself and enjoy my own company...and that's something I keep with me forever.

    Great post! ❤

  18. Breaking up is so hard and sometimes we just cannot understand what went wrong. Especially after you have invested a lot into the relationship. Over the years I have learnt that it was never meant to be and something better is waiting around the corner. We need to have patience.

  19. Alpana, what beautiful and wise advice to your friends. You are such a wellspring of wisdom and love. Most, having experienced the agony of lost love, can relate. The emptiness is so vast and unrelenting. It’s easy to say, “So get over it already!” But to empathize is a true gift. And you are a blessed gift.

  20. i loved your take on this topic. Extremely good. Like my fellow writer Debra said, to empathize is a true gift. So you have done it with many with this amazing post! Keep penning! Cheers!

  21. Alpana, you are such a loving friend! Your words have so much power to help and heal. Your loved ones are blessed to have you in their lives. :-)

  22. Pain and parting are messengers, and it is important to accept the message and not hold on to the messenger. Although this is an older post, I found it only now through IB, and thought I would share something with you and your readers and of course, your two soul sisters, maybe it is not too late to feel better. This is something that helps in Coping With People and Change. Hope you find it useful.


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