Monday, November 29, 2010

Can LOVE overpower FRIENDSHIP?

And I Too Don’t Have The Answer….
“Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love but no friendship.” -  Oscar Wilde

Have you ever been in such a kind of relationship? Have you got a friend of the opposite sex? And even if you haven’t had such experiences….why? Is it possible for men and women to be just friends without romance coming in between?

Friendship is a gift to mankind, relations made by choice, and not force or fate. It comes in all forms and complexities, but nothing confuses this important relation as much as gender does.

 It is a subject that comes up time and again in our conversation…Can a man and a woman be just friends, as in “JUST”, as in “ONLY FRIENDS”….no sex, no lust, no passion, no secret crushes and desires…”JUST FRIENDS”.

The answer to the question could be “YES” and with the big “YES”, there would be an addition of “BUT” or “ONLY IF”, so the answer everyone is avoiding is “NO”.

True friendship requires a deep connection, and if a romance factor alters the relationship….then you can either have a thing going on, or just be simple acquaintances.

For many of us the idea of such a relationship is intriguing, but questionable. The life of this kind of relationship is possible but a little improbable…it may get romantic…emotions get involved, possessiveness or jealousy may occur. Will your libido be in silence and not come in the way? But as one grows older and matures in thought we learn that compassion, love, trust and mutual respect are important things in any relationship. We are not animals, we are no longer controlled by our hormones…although I am contradicting myself here…hormones still wake up time to time making life difficult…and believe me age makes no difference. (After all man is a social animal) With maturity one can differentiate between love and friendship and such people just do not buy the concept of a romantic pull in this kind of a relationship.

From the time adolescence sets in, males and females have been drawn to each other because of sexual attraction and curiosity. How do friends draw a line between mutual affection and sexual desire?

So men and women can be friends but the crossing of the bridge towards lust and romance will always be there. It’s like playing with fire, a distinct possibility of getting burnt.

“A single man and a single woman can definitely be friends without sexual tension, as long as one of them is gay or hideously unattractive.” Anonymous 

Personally when I think of my closest male friends, I find reflections of all shades of the multifaceted issue…A “Just Friend” settlement, romance turned “Friendship”, lover as “Best Friend”, male friends who are genuinely just “That Friend”.

A man and a woman can always be, “just friends” …a person has to have control over their actions and responses to people of the same or the opposite sex. I have many male and female friends and I have no problem whatsoever regardless of my sex or orientation.

As an individual, I strongly believe that life is nothing but an opportunity to know yourself and explore what’s within you till you live. You may have missed your whole life, just that last breath you took or the last moment on earth, if you have not found a true friend or been one even for a second…AND if you have, then you have NOT missed out on anything because a single moment of love and friendship with a man or a woman is equal to the whole eternity. That is the glory of “FRIENDSHIP”.

Coming back to the main point here, in the classic romance, “When Harry Met Sally”, Billy Crystal tells Meg Ryan that men and women can never be friends because sexual attraction gets in the way. The concept of platonic friendship that arose and was largely talked on and written from the time of Greek philosopher Plato, still remains as unclear and confusing as ever. We all know that men are from Mars and women from Venus, agree that there will be friction between the two, agree that sexual tension and romantic feelings are bound to creep in between……….BUT CAN’T THE TWO EVER BE FRIENDS???                                                                                                                                      
“Think where man’s glory most begins and ends, And say my glory was I had such friends”– W.B. Yeats (1865- 1939). ‘The Municipal Gallery Re- visited’ (1939)

Picture Courtesy - Google Images


  1. Love does overpower friendship. But can it sustain the friendship? That depends on both the individuals really. One person with unconditional love and friendship doesn't work. If there is an equal contribution it sure can walk the mile. What is love? It is but friendship redefined. 'Love' is defined separately from friendship generally...I wonder how love can be separated from friendship...
    One thing I know for sure though. Friendship can most definitely turn into love...but like I've read into friendship...almost never. ALMOST.

  2. Your blog starts with a question and ends with the same.the answer itself can be explained as blog..

    Answer:It is very difficult..
    I dont think lust takes the lead in turning the relationship.The culprit is the jealousy of owning the frnd completely.and to have him/her forever.

    But For all frndship turned Love ..One thing must be remembered.
    Friendship -doesnot expect anything
    Love-Expects to be reciprocated in multiples
    Friend can neglect and say sorry..but a lover (partner) cant..
    these are just my opinions..I haven't experienced enough to say more..
    But why analyze relationships ...
    Just trust heart & God will show the path.

    You have beautifuly described friendship in your blog..I am sure you have great friends.


  3. Can LOVE overpower FRIENDSHIP?
    this is also a question mark to me. But if a boy and gal are in good frnds, sometimes they will not be in love. Since they understand each other and know weakness of each of them.
    Anyway this is a hard topic and Alpana, U nicely wrote.

  4. Can love overpower friendship is really a difficult question..knowingly or unknowingly the friendship between a man and a woman takes a different turn..

    Alpu you've written it very well and would like to see more of such good writings from you.

  5. Your expressions are true reflections of your life..I could feel that.. But Am at a loss of words.. You have such a nice blog..I wanted to leave a comment, but so many comments you have, that I thought of leaving a message right here..

    And when time permits have a look at mine -

  6. Love is friendship n friendship is love;so where does the conflict begin?Both are parasitic in nature;depends on one another!What say,honey.

  7. wel explaind aunty

  8. and friendship are both sides of a same coin...
    I do not agree on the view point.......I am not a let me tell u honestly........a man and a woman can became a very good friends @ absolutely platonic way, and @ absolutely pure like crystal.......I stand by my line, at any time.....cheers! May God bless our friendship!

  9. U write well Alpana, I loved reading the article on ur daughter...she is very lucky to have u as a mom.....and vice versa....

  10. nice one alpana.......... friendship between a man and a woman...yes,but a "GREAT"friendship leads to confusion.

  11. Alpu I think it's possible, I have a bunch of male friends who are just that - Friends...they're nice looking, fun to be with, but I dont think that any of them or I have ever felt romantic or lustful towards each other...maybe because we grew up together? I dont know....

  12. Love and friendship are two sides of the same coin...that is what I feel. If you are a friend, it is natural that you trust each other, and love is a very integral part of any relationship. What does the word 'love' mean? You can love anybody withoutout getting into a 'man-woman' relationship. This is not the end of all relationships. Each one loves her parents, siblings, children or even pets and likewise, one loves her friends. The base of any relationship, I feel, thus becomes love.Love, in it's purest and most sublime aspect, does not need any physical manifestations. A mere touch or a glance at each other speaks volumes. This exists in each and every relationship, between a mother and child, among two sisters, and also between friends. For that matter, this is also a very important attribute in a 'man-woman' relationship. Anyone who associates 'love' with 'lust', or thinks that a male-female friendship will ultimately lead to 'love' does not know or understand the much used or misused word. I will always say that yes, there can exist a freindship between a man and a woman and it can remain at just that...

  13. yes i believe they can be good friends as long as they dont cross their limits,and your article is very well written.

  14. Oh Gawd!!..its superb..but i m left unsatisfied..i wanted the answer!!
    but as i told u earlier also.. i strongly believe that a man and a woman can never be just friends!!

  15. Man. And. Woman can be friends good friends but not best friends like girl girl can stay with girlfriends alone in a room and stay nomal but imagine sharing a room with ur best friend(boy) for a couple of days-sexual sparks are definetly going to burn cause that's the way we are made its human instinct the line between friend and sexual partner is alpana I don't that its a debatable issue at all.

  16. Well ... yes its possible for a man n woman to be just frens..nd we do love our frens widout the element of lust!!!! and mausi i dont think i can be attracted to any of my guy-frens..coz that wud not be being "frens" then..rite!! and i m sure d world is not full of nymphomaniacs....

  17. Very well written!

  18. Quite an interesting post. I agree with what you have written. One thing to keep in mind is that men and women do not think alike. For men, love is almost synonymous with sex and lust[ie the physical aspect], and for women its more of an emotional experience.

  19. I am happy that at last a man has finally admitted what love is.....Thank you so much Satwinder, it is indeed an honour for me..looking forward to your visits again.

  20. I have a strong feeling that if a man or woman are in a secured relationship (well almost secured ...there never can be a 100% sooraj barjatiya romance :) then maybe they can be friends with the opposite sex.

    You point is an old one, quite a valid one yet the most unanswered one :) got me thinking.

  21. Congrats once again Alpana, on this extremely delicate topic because there is a very thin line between the relationship that it can turn either way anytime. In today’s world, where there are so many women working along with men in almost every sphere/profession (now women in the army can be promoted upto the rank of a General!) it is quite possible for inter-gender friendship to blossom. And therefore it is quite common to have platonic relationship between men and women. Guys seek from their female friends emotional stuff, how to cook, wardrobe queries, what gifts to buy for family members (and their lady love), advice on love life. If this situation can be maintained and have mutual respect for their personal lives/choice of partner, love does not overpower friendship. According to me the problem starts when things get too personal like discussing intimate/private details about each other’s partners and the need to be talking as frequently as possible for a long period of time on the phone, etc, is when Love does overpower friendship!
    Very well written, Alpana, keep it up.

  22. Thank you all for your comments..I know this was a sensitive issue to which I too don't have any best friends are men...and Roshan....I don't want to comment here...thanks a lot.

  23. Alpana, your writings re really interesting... I am of the opinion that yes, platonic friendship can exist between a male and a female... but if they are close friends, or best of friends... then there has to be more... it has been for long... quite a few years.. that i kept arguing with myself about this... but i realise that love is the string that binds the friendship or else it is as difficult as tying an elephant with the web of a spider.

  24. Nice topic !!
    I think it is very hard for a guy and girl to say they are true friends without having some kind of attraction to each other, even if you don't know about it. It's a hidden thing and quite natural.
    From 90% of all the female friends I have, there is a bit of attraction to them all.
    Even your best friend, the kid you grew up in the village, for 14 years, you dreamt of him

  25. kudos to you have certainly given food for thought to all of us....keep on writing such topics and make us all sit up and comment...u have a wonderful flair do keep the good work going!!!!!

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  27. First of all Kudos on attempting to write on these delicate topics.

    In regard with this specific post: I KNOW that a man and woman can be like the best of friends. But it does not stay that way. Every relationship has a trajectory. For ex; Even a parent child relationship changes with growing age. With time a child gets more equipped to understand the parent and love more. Similarly men and woman can be best friends and it grows from there, love in most easy cases but in other rare cases into this unimaginable comfort zone of friendship which has its own definition. I have one such friend we are romantic in a very platonic way. We are more then best friends we are soul-friends. And its just the best! :)

  28. My cousin recommended this blog and she was totally right keep up the fantastic work!

  29. Aw, this was a really nice post. In idea I would like to put in writing like this additionally - taking time and actual effort to make a very good article… but what can I say… I procrastinate alot and by no means seem to get something done.

  30. I have seen people give all the indications of being lovers but swear that they are just friends. they not only confuse me but I think they for some strange reason are confusing themselves.


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