I MISS YOU PAPA!
They say the body leaves the soul behind and the spirit of your loved ones is always there for you. Why on earth can I then, never feel your presence? Somebody once told me that now I will always have my personal GOD up there. Have you felt my pain Papa? Do you see my problems? They are not going away. They are getting worse as each day goes by. If you can hear me Papa, why did you do this to me? I am living Everyone loves their father and I am no exception from this. But, ask someone who has lost a parent as to what a difference it brings in life. To write about Papa is not tough. What tears my heart is to write about him in “past tense”; we never really associate DEATH with our parents.
My earliest memory about him is as a very kind and gentle soul; a very loving and affectionate person to whom his family meant the world. He was very soft spoken and never raised his voice on me .Tears in my eyes would upset him terribly and being the youngest I felt Papa gave me that little ‘extra’, something, my sisters could never come to terms with.
I spent most of my childhood without him being around, initially, due to family pressures and then when I was just nine he had his first heart attack. His illness did not hamper the closeness between us but brought me closer to him. It also brought maturity to my life faster than my age.
Time and again I saw you fighting for life. What went wrong this time Papa? Why did you give up? Why did you choose me to see you go away, right before my eyes? Did you not hear me call out to you then? Why did you leave me alone? I feel so guilty that I could not do enough for you then. I told you I loved you, but I could not understand the mental and physical pressure you were under.my life, but, not the way you wanted it to be, no matter how much I wish to live it the way you envisioned it. Happiness has been erased from my dictionary. You hated my tears but I cry like never before. There is a void in my heart, in my very existence. I miss you Papa!
Every man can be a Father, but it takes a special person to be called a Dad. Thank you so much for being my Dad.
I remember how your arms held me and gave me strength whenever I needed it right from the time I took my first steps. Sometimes I wonder… when it was my chance to hold you, you walked away from my life and you were not there. You were always there to listen, love, and defend me in everything. You were my very best friend. In my triumphs you were always proud. I’m very grateful and proud to call you my Dad. Here deep inside my heart you’ll always be. I would give up everything I have just to hug you one more time. If only I could turn back the time I would have never let you go.
In retrospect, I say that I will never say goodbye to you Papa, because I know this is not the end for us of seeing each other. You have gone to a place where there’s neither pain nor suffering. Presently, we need to go our separate ways. That, I guess, is the way of the world and little can we could do to change it. But I know you are watching me always, wishing me well and I take great strength and inspiration from the fact that you will always be there for me no matter what…. as you have always been. Oh, how I wished it was in person….
Thank you Papa…. For always understanding, listening, caring, and loving me for all of your life; yesterday, today and tomorrow. The greatest gift God gave me was YOU. It’s difficult to let you go… but I must.
I make this promise today, despite the irreparable dent you have left in our lives, a void which can never be filled, I will be the girl you aspired me to be, in every possible way. I want you to know that I will love you as I always have and make you proud as ever before. I’m there for you in your every thought because I know, as I write this, you are with me, around me, wishing me well always.
SEE YOU IN HEAVEN PAPA!
Labels: Papa, Hope, Relationship, Love, Pain
This post was first published on the: 27th of September,
As guest post on Hiyaa’s blog: http://www.thedefinitivemeltingpot.com