Friday, December 10, 2010




They say the body leaves the soul behind and the spirit of your loved ones is always there for you. Why on earth can I then, never feel your presence? Somebody once told me that now I will always have my personal GOD up there. Have you felt my pain Papa? Do you see my problems? They are not going away. They are getting worse as each day goes by. If you can hear me Papa, why did you do this to me? I am living Everyone loves their father and I am no exception from this. But, ask someone who has lost a parent as to what a difference it brings in life. To write about Papa is not tough. What tears my heart is to write about him in “past tense”; we never really associate DEATH with our parents.
My earliest memory about him is as a very kind and gentle soul; a very loving and affectionate person to whom his family meant the world. He was very soft spoken and never raised his voice on me .Tears in my eyes would upset him terribly and being the youngest I felt Papa gave me that little ‘extra’, something, my sisters could never come to terms with.
I spent most of my childhood without him being around, initially, due to family pressures and then when I was just nine he had his first heart attack. His illness did not hamper the closeness between us but brought me closer to him. It also brought maturity to my life faster than my age.
Time and again I saw you fighting for life. What went wrong this time Papa? Why did you give up? Why did you choose me to see you go away, right before my eyes? Did you not hear me call out to you then? Why did you leave me alone? I feel so guilty that I could not do enough for you then. I told you I loved you, but I could not understand the mental and physical pressure you were life, but, not the way you wanted it to be, no matter how much I wish to live it the way you envisioned it. Happiness has been erased from my dictionary. You hated my tears but I cry like never before. There is a void in my heart, in my very existence. I miss you Papa!
Every man can be a Father, but it takes a special person to be called a Dad. Thank you so much for being my Dad.
I remember how your arms held me and gave me strength whenever I needed it right from the time I took my first steps. Sometimes I wonder… when it was my chance to hold you, you walked away from my life and you were not there. You were always there to listen, love, and defend me in everything. You were my very best friend. In my triumphs you were always proud. I’m very grateful and proud to call you my Dad. Here deep inside my heart you’ll always be. I would give up everything I have just to hug you one more time. If only I could turn back the time I would have never let you go.
In retrospect, I say that I will never say goodbye to you Papa, because I know this is not the end for us of seeing each other. You have gone to a place where there’s neither pain nor suffering. Presently, we need to go our separate ways. That, I guess, is the way of the world and little can we could do to change it. But I know you are watching me always, wishing me well and I take great strength and inspiration from the fact that you will always be there for me no matter what…. as you have always been. Oh, how I wished it was in person….
Thank you Papa…. For always understanding, listening, caring, and loving me for all of your life; yesterday, today and tomorrow. The greatest gift God gave me was YOU. It’s difficult to let you go… but I must.
I make this promise today, despite the irreparable dent you have left in our lives, a void which can never be filled, I will be the girl you aspired me to be, in every possible way. I want you to know that I will love you as I always have and make you proud as ever before. I’m there for you in your every thought because I know, as I write this, you are with me, around me, wishing me well always.
Copyright Motifs@2010
Labels: Papa, Hope, Relationship, Love, Pain
This post was first published on the: 27th of September,
As guest post on Hiyaa’s blog:


  1. Something I did not do earlier..Thank you Sandy for giving me this my life a new meaning.Thank you Amir..this would have not been possible without you.

  2. Irreplaceable. Cherish your memories with papa & move on. He would want you to do that for yourself & all your loved ones. Don’t wallow in despair. Cliched as it may sound..there’s a silver lining to every cloud. Take care & I shall always pray for you & all at home. Keep in touch.

  3. Rightly said,we never really associate death with parents, but when it happens...just leaves us miserable ad inconsolable. Lost mom, almost 3 years back...the pain is still poignant and the void just remains. Sometimes I look at my friends -having their mother by their sides. I do wonder Why my mom? And why so early? But guess there aren’t any answers to questions like these….
    C’est lavie

  4. Lovely post.........Your Papa will always look after from the heaven. Pray for him.

  5. Your article brought back memories, when we lose someone very close to us ,we remember them always. Your bond with your father was very much like my relation with my dad, I lost him in January this year. I am sure your dad is at peace and is watching over you and making sure no harm comes to you ever.A sensitive and sweet plea of a daughter, brought tears to my eyes. I have written, it comes from the heart and like they say sorrows shared are sorrows halved. Try and remember the good times you had with your dad and smile, he is watching you.Take care Alpana and god bless.Maybe our dads are becoming friends up there like we are doing here. Long live Dad's love..

  6. Alpana just read your thoughts about your dad. I too lost my dad a couple of years back.I am sure your papa is a proud soul today with the way you have fought through adversity. Everything has a cycle, good and bad times and both will pass to come again. Once we accept that it is easier to face the bad and enjoy the good. Besides there is always light even in the darkest corner, all we need is to seek it and go for it.

  7. Alpana - the emotions in this article came right over and touched my heart - We all think everything is going to be status quo forever and get so comfortable in our being that even the minutest change makes us restless - Imagine losing a parent at that!! I don't even go there Alpana. All I can say is I am certain that your Papa is with you all the time, his blessings and protection will always fortify you.

  8. I relate with the article totally as we lost dad quite early in life too!Therez so much power in your writing....uv become the voice of so many women who just take things lying down...your articles are a balm for them,so you're doing a lot of healing too,unconsciously!Keep the SUNNY side up!!Love,Dorjee.

  9. “Touching” would be an understatement to what u have penned down about a great father. I relate so much to your thoughts and can feel a ‘me’ in ‘u’ right now. Just believe and have faith that he is always there to guide you in all your ups and downs, take my word on that.
    Be strong n patient-

  10. Very well written and expressed…BEAUTIFULLY written…..and so touching!!! I so much feel your pain as I lost a very special person in my life 2 months back …who was a father, a mother, a teacher, my role model and a person who kept our family bonded…without her we are so alone and apart…..
    Free ur papa dear… he does not want to see u tears…I know its pretty tough!!!! Bring back the happiness…don’t let go…..I believe ur papa would be more sad to know that ur so unhappy….free him dear!!!! I understand ur pain..oh so much!!!!
    U have truly touched my soul could not have expressed it better!! May god bless you and peace be with you!

  11. Nobody can replace a father! Hugs to you! May God Bless you and may all your distant dreams turn into distinct realities!

  12. You have touched my soul…..may PAPA bless you and give you every happiness in this world…I want more beautiful pieces from you.

  13. A beautiful piece of work…reading this took me back 22 years..when I lost my father at a very early age…God Bless you.

  14. Wowww!!! Its beautiful…very touching!! Nana was always with us and he will always be with us…no one can take him away from us..

  15. Dipti
    September 28, 2010 at 10:50 am
    It’s very true that no one else can take his place…to reward his efforts towards us, we should fulfill his expectations to make his soul happy.

  16. Pooja
    September 28, 2010 at 2:07 pm
    What can I say!!! Your blog made me cry. They say….. if a write up touches ur heart n you react…its a gr8 piece. I reacted….tears rolled down. But I know what does this mean to u. Its not only a write up but its your heart crying for the lost soul. I respect your feelings! This is something that no child would want to go thru but its beyond control.

  17. Hugs! Sandy
    September 27, 2010 at 1:42 pm
    Nobody can replace a father! Hugs to you! May God Bless you and may all your distant dreams turn into distinct realities!

  18. Anila Sahu
    September 27, 2010 at 1:57 pm
    You have touched my soul…..may PAPA bless you and give you every happiness in this world…I want more beautiful pieces from you.

  19. Madhu Jaiswal
    September 27, 2010 at 2:00 pm
    A beautiful piece of work…reading this took me back 22 years..when I lost my father at a very early age…God Bless you

  20. Reshma
    September 28, 2010 at 2:13 pm
    That’s very well said ,Somehow I can relate to your pain cause my papa has also gone through the same illness and struggle for life except that gods been more favourable to me. As a daughter you are doing more than a son could have done to them so hats off to us DAUGHTERS.

  21. Asha Prasad
    September 28, 2010 at 3:06 pm
    Your article filled my eyes with tears…I can feel your sorrow because I know what it means not having a father in your life,..age makes no difference. Your Papa’s love will always protect you and keep you happy. My love and prayers are always with you.

  22. Seema sadana
    September 27, 2010 at 4:34 pm
    Very very touching I had tears in my eyes reading this. Fathers are protectors, givers and guide no end to the list. Treasure which can never be replaced by anyone in the world…

  23. Dipti
    September 28, 2010 at 10:50 am
    It’s very true that no one else can take his place…to reward his efforts towards us, we should fulfill his expectations to make his soul happy..

  24. John Brendan Tamsang
    September 28, 2010 at 4:50 pm
    A soulful and superb eulogy to one of the most important person in our lives. Drives in a lot of the sense of family values. Alpana you will always have him around you in every moment of your life. I well understand your pain.

  25. Aditi
    September 28, 2010 at 5:55 pm
    Beautifully written..I’m sure every person who reads this one will have tears in their eyes…simply great..

  26. Bindu
    September 29, 2010 at 11:48 am
    Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!it was really touching .my eyes were filled with tears after reading ur article I know this feeling is really hard to put down in paper but u have done a grt job… the words of a teacher ‘KEEP IT UP … KEEP ON WRITING’
    Bindu Sarda

  27. Kavya
    September 29, 2010 at 4:08 pm
    Itz very touching..u have beautifully shown the true bonding of a father n daughter..& its true mamaji was really a kind ,gentle, and a gud person he is seeing u and his blessing r alwz there wid u ,he is protecting u like an angel..he is still alive in our memories..

  28. Ajay Sadana
    September 30, 2010 at 11:08 am
    Very very touching!!!

  29. Amir
    October 1, 2010 at 11:56 am
    Extremely well written and thought of…very heartfelt…they say the heart is always on the left…BUT ITS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!! People come and people go…what’s left is fond memories we cherish and learn to live with. .I’m sure he watches over you now as he would have always done earlier… Cheers!!!

  30. Manisha Pradhan
    October 1, 2010 at 4:10 pm
    Very very touching! father’s are a very important part of our lives though we may not always tell them so… your pain has been expressed very well in this piece… well written!!

  31. Umisha
    October 4, 2010 at 3:36 pm
    Very difficult to pen down in words. It touched my heart & I don’t know why while reading I remembered my mom so much -this is the 12th year going on,..can’t believe! May God bless you. Would love to see more of it.

  32. Ayush
    October 7, 2010 at 10:45 am
    Very beautiful, Heartfelt words. Feelings of the heart are very difficult to convey, but you have poured you heart out. You make us realize how lucky we are. Makes me want to hug my Dad.

  33. Sarda Roka
    October 13, 2010 at 7:21 am
    Its beautifully written………my heart just melted,…may you find all the happiness in this world,and may you keep on writing…love you.

  34. Prachi Agarwal October 14,
    2010 at 6:31 pm
    Amazin…. no words 2 xpress d way it has touched 2 me now….simply incredible…

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  36. Willis Soho
    September 29, 2010 at 11:19 am
    Good for you, professional writer. You are amazing.

  37. Aishani Jaiswal
    September 28, 2010 at 7:50 am
    It’s so touching!! Even I miss Nana!!

  38. very well written... nana lives n continues to live in our heart and amidst us!!! And Nana loved his grandchildren the most!!!

  39. Beautifully written. Very touching and great tribute.


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