Tuesday, March 22, 2011

NO TEARS LEFT TO CRY








A month back, since that cold day in February, yet I remember it like it was yesterday (I guess to me it will always be), that very night, the world would come to a drastic end to me….that “end” did come anyway. It was over, my sister, my friend…her life stolen away. I saw her lying still, no movement….although I could have sworn that at any moment she was just about to rise. How could you die, and leave ME behind? You left me before I had a chance, before I could help you, before I could ask why, before I even knew why? I miss you all the time, but somehow I know, you are always here. Too many questions in my mind, if only you could answer them, then maybe I could understand.


Time and again I have to say this, if tears could build a stairway, and thoughts a memory lane, I'd walk right up to heaven. If love could change the way things are, you would have lived forever. If you cared so much, than why did you leave? Did you just expect that it would not hurt….that nobody would grieve?

  All the times we had together, I thought they meant forever, but the day you left…I knew forever meant a day. I wanted to blame myself and them, but come to think of it, "what's the sense?" No matter what I do, you'll never come back again, because on that day you're life was given an end. Now that you're gone eternally, how can I move on? It feels like you took one half of my life with you.

 You're the breath in my sigh, you're my flesh and blood, and we can never be apart, because you're the lines on my palm….deeply etched forever. One day, I will see you again, my dear, beloved sister, my special friend, but if one day, I do I feel lonely, will you be there to dry my tears when I cry, will you hold me when I am in pain, your smile gave me hope, you guided me when no one else could, you protected me when no one else would.

So please dear sister, even though I know your soul is free, will you still be my angel, to guide me through life…will you comfort through torment and strife….Her death is a lesson to me that she left behind, that life is fragile, there is no way that we can control who lives and dies, all we can do is have faith that we will get through it….good and bad are obvious and sometimes not so obvious, and that right and wrong choices can determine life or death….And I know, that one day, I will have no tears left to cry…..


My sister Anila....who passed away unexpectedly,24th of February2011

Copyright@Motifs2011
Labels: Sister, love, death, tears, life










45 comments:

  1. So sorry...life can be very difficult at times...I wish you peace as time goes on...

    -Monica

    ReplyDelete
  2. Alpana - yes she is always there with you. She will be there when you are lonely and all the other times. I am so sorry that this had to happen - you are so right when you say if "thoughts a memory lane, I'd walk right up to heaven". I would so walk this walk with you. But till such time - hold on darling and be strong... I can't even imagine your pain but somehow you have to be brave ...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Life and death are the two ends of life.None can be avoided.If we start we have to end.What's important is what kind of a life we live in the middle.From the smile on her face she seems to be extremely happy and satisfied with her life.She looks so lively in the photograph.She will remain alive in your heart forever.....Just feel her.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Alpana, I feel your pain and want to tell you that it will go away with time but I would be lying. It never really goes away but we learn to live without the ones we love and remember them with tears in our eyes, sometimes we smile thinking of the good times we shared but we always remember their love for us and ours for them. god bless

    ReplyDelete
  5. Alpana,

    When a precious life is stolen away, death makes us doubt... life... reality and mostly Faith!!!.... the jigsaw can now never be complete....

    But go on with life.... we must.... thru our life remembering those gone before us... with love and memories...... of the souls watching over us.

    God gives and God takes.....

    Much love to you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Arunabha BhattacharjeeMarch 22, 2011 at 2:13 PM

    Alpana... u really always proved to be a one man army facin all hurdles and goin! God bless and dnt worry! never lose hp! and ur sister was , is and wl b always ur greatest strength guidin u in all channels of life! God bless u !

    ReplyDelete
  7. Frane BhattacharyaMarch 22, 2011 at 3:16 PM

    It must be very painful for you , can't even begin to imagine , but you know, i believe , that the soul does not need a physical existence once it has paid its debts , or accomplished what it needed to -that was the reason it chose to reincarnate and take birth. But all the logic and truth does not help when you loose someone so dear , the pain will be there...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Alpana,i'm SHOCKED to hear about Anila...please accept my heart-felt condolences!I'v just had a baby n'off FB for sometime!Please take care of your mom...i know you're a very strong woman...will light a prayer lamp4 Anila,may her soul find peace.With remembrance,thoughts n'prayers.Dorji.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I am so very shockedand sad to hear about Anila! Can't believe it! I have such fond memories of her from Loreto! She was such a lovely girl who exuded love, joy and sunshine wherever she went! May she rest in peace! My heartfelt condolences and my thoughts & prayers are for you & your family! God bless!

    ReplyDelete
  10. dear alpana....it's really sad to know about anila....she was a dear friend and i am still in a state of shock ...... shall always remember her in my prayers.....

    ReplyDelete
  11. Dear Alpi
    Very sorry to hear about your sister. May her divine soul rest in eternal peace & may God you strength at this time. My prayers are always with you & your family. Take care & ♥

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hi Alpana,
    It has been a long time....I had visited you all in kalimpong years ago and you may not remember me...I know you are going thru a rough time in your life, that too shall pass...sorry to hear about Anila. center yourself, gather your thoughts, pick yourself up, brush off the dust and you will rise like the phoenix from the ashes. as you will learn a lot of things in life are overrated! The faster you get over things the better off you will be, the faster you let go of things the better you will feel. If you need to talk send me your number, I will be more than happy to call you. Take care. you never know how love will find you! Cheers! Viyjanta

    ReplyDelete
  13. If words could bring peace to you, if words could comfort you then I offer you my deepest condolences to calm your frenzied heart. Devastating as it is to lose someone so close to you, I do sincerely hope that you know that although your sister is physically no longer with you, she still is. Although you may not see her or hear her, she still sees you, hears you and loves you. It is true that death is irrevocable but it is also true that there is a life beyond it's unfathomable facade and although we may lament, grieve for the passing away of our loved ones, it is a huge consolation to know that death is but a doorway, an ingress through which they enter into a separate yet lateral world.
    "Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
    Love leaves a memory no one can steal."- from a headstone in Ireland

    ReplyDelete
  14. her picture is so lively. it seems she is with us. i know no words compensate the pain of emptiness due to the sudden deah of your sister. so i can just pray and hope that she is the angel who will never leave you alone. Alpana, i think you do feel it better than anyone in this whole world.

    ReplyDelete
  15. just read Alpana. You were so lucky to have such a loving sister who was a true friend of yours....

    ReplyDelete
  16. gud job done....buddy...Alpana.....All the best.....

    ReplyDelete
  17. Sadden to know about the loss of your dear sister. Heartfelt post. Touched my heart. My prayers and condolences for the grieving family!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Damn! I cried then and it chokes my throat even today...which makes your pain and loss unimaginable!
    Big big hugs!
    Love you!
    Sandy

    ReplyDelete
  19. Alpana I have no words to say. We all have had our losses, someone close to us gone but their memory living on in us. I am sure when you need her she will be there guiding you. I am also sure that you will find her again.

    ReplyDelete
  20. i was taken aback when you confided that it was medical negligence that caused her death...

    i'm really sorry for your loss... i have accompanied dying people... and have co-journeyed with the sick for many years... it pains me whenever i lose my patients...

    i am near you alpana... i'll not pretend i can take away your pain... but i'm here... you can just cry if you want to...i'll hold you...

    take care of yourself...she's at peace wherever she is now...

    love you soul sis :)

    ReplyDelete
  21. Dear Alpana, thanks for sharing your innermost thoughts. Sometimes it helps to share the sadness, to get it out into the open. I am sure your sister is with you, and her love will always guide you.

    ReplyDelete
  22. beautifully expressed Alpana, may God give u and your family strength to cope with the pain.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hi Alpana,

    Im sorry abt the late message.....not been well...

    Im really sorry about your sister. I know what your going through. It is tough to lose someone close to you. I too have lost a sister, and i know how terrible that is. Remember, the fun times u shared...that always brings a smile to my face.....

    Life is a journey, and we are all here to learn....some of us our lives have been tougher than others...I believe , we all chose our own lives...

    Be strong... and keep writing your wonderful thoughts, that we enjoy reading so much..

    Love.

    ReplyDelete
  24. hey aishani, i really liked yr mothers story on sister... was reading it sometime ago.... really brought tears to my eyes.... truly good.

    ReplyDelete
  25. My thoughts are with you, people are never truly gone as they live in our hearts. Take care.

    ReplyDelete
  26. What a beautiful tribute Alpu. Anila must be proud of you up in heaven....she'll want you to be strong...so hang in there sweetie...the only consolation, always is that she's in a better place....hugs

    ReplyDelete
  27. Alpana-the words that poured out of this touching tribute to your sister nearly choked me. While we are only readers who can perhaps only empathise and understand your pain..no one will know better than you what it feels during such times. We all have lost a near and dear one at some point of our lives..and nothing..absolutely nothing can replace that loss..but this loving tribute will reach your sis..she is watching upon you and smiling..and happy that she had such a wonderful family around her..be happy with her memories and share your thoughts..and feel good that the years you shared with her were beautiful..cry but smile more..please for your sister's sake..God bless..

    ReplyDelete
  28. Alpana, I am so sorry that you have lost your sister. I know you must have been very close and the pain you feel of her loss is unmeasurable, but have faith that your sister will always be with you and guide you. Keep the memories of her always with you. Know that you can still share your thoughts and dreams and hope with her for she will always be close to you. You will find peace through all the sorrows you feel right now. May God Bless You, Senaf

    ReplyDelete
  29. I'm sorry to hear this Alpana... But whatever happened, she's your sister and she'll forever be your guiding angel.... xox

    ReplyDelete
  30. Such a loss ...no words..
    take care..

    ReplyDelete
  31. Sorry for the loss and what a poignant tribute to a loved one.

    ReplyDelete
  32. as always you write from your heart!

    ReplyDelete
  33. yes dear she will be there for u coz she knew that u have potential to take care of every one n she will help u as ur angel....

    ReplyDelete
  34. Sadness and suffering enable us to be strong enough to be kind to others.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Sadness and suffering enable us to be strong enough to be kind to others.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Alpu Im so lost for words...its feels like the end....I adore ur spirit...u've been strong and there for everyone...and she will be there for u always....she's there protecting u guiding u.....like always....u just need to feel her there beside u...take care sweetheart

    love u loads
    Seema

    ReplyDelete
  37. Guriya(binda paagli) hw cud u leave us n go 2 a place 4om whr thr is no cumback......u will always b in my heart n mind....i hv so many things to write but m no gud in expressin myself....hw cud u b so hard hearted n leave bhind ur family members who were so much dependent on u n i dont knw wht dey will do widout u....u hv given ur mummy lifelong sleepless nites...we miss u alotttt n can nvr forget u
    loads of luv
    ravi mama

    ReplyDelete
  38. Hi Alpana,
    I still cannot believe that Anila's no more & it will take a long time for everyone to accept the fact. Wish a 100 times still that she had come to Chennai as planned instead of going to delhi. But that's destiny for you. Life can be so cruel.
    Did you receive my letter? Please convey my love n regards to your mom & the kids. Aishani, Hansika & Kush are going to depend on you for emotional support. You're going to need an endless supply of mental & physical energy in the coming months & years. It's not an easy task, but there's a God up there watching over you.

    Take care & keep in touch. Where is Alka? I havent even spoken to her or offered condolences. Please sms me her cell no. The one I have is coming 'unreachable'. Thks.
    love..pram di

    ReplyDelete
  39. I can feel ur pain sweetheart..can't believe even today that Guria di is gone..even yesterday i was sitting and watching her pics on facebook. Wish I could be with U, aunty, hansika, Kush..to wipe ur tears..Love you all. Please take care.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Alpana - My sincere condolences. Having never had a sister, I've often watched the special bond most sisters have and knew I was missing something. Her loss at a particularly difficult time for you must be really hard to bear. May she continue to be your special angel! RIP Anila!

    ReplyDelete
  41. Alpana You are an inspiration through your words, and a strength to many of us bloggers. I have lived through the loss of my beloved Sister Jeanette, and I use her as the driving force for every thing I do. Her death had a profound meaning for me and caused me to take stock and reach out for a new life, with a very major purpose.

    ReplyDelete
  42. I am so sorry you lost your sister. I know how terrible it is, I know you see me suffering as well in my poetry. The day after my sister passed I wrote this http://jenni-the-rambler.blogspot.com/2011/02/my-sisters-keeper.html my facebook page was full of grief as I called God sinner for stealing her from me. I wake up every day and hope I can remember without actually crying and hurting.... I cannot. Grieve her, miss her there is nothing wrong with that. People who touched or souls should not be forgotten. Despite what people say take your time and deal with it, they don't know what it's like and if they do they didn't love that person because a death hurts the living person who loved them and it continues to hurt for a long time. I had people I thought were my support system tell me I need to move on when I wrote that linked I shared with you. Not even 24 hours after losing her and people expected me to not feel the pain??? That moment I realized the people I thought I could rust outside of my husband and kids I could not. I have been busy being a mom since, because my kids deserve my time those other people don't. Once again, sorry for your loss. And for writing a novel of a comment. Much love and respect to you.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Alpana, it is so difficult to lose someone that we love dearly. No words that are said can ease the heartache. No actions can bring her back to you. You sound as though your sister and you had a deep, connected relationship. Hold onto those memories, remember everything you shared, never let go of her, but do move on. She would never want you to ignore your life, mourning her. Whatever your beliefs are, you will always remain close in heart and soul.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Time heals everything. Time will take your pain away aand you will be smiling again one day... Keep it up Alpana...

    ReplyDelete

Design by WPThemesExpert | Blogger Template by BlogTemplate4U