"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option." — Mark Twain

This one is for you Rimly, thank you for understanding me, and just being there for me….love you sweetheart.

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” Neil Gainman

My sweet friend Rimly Bezbaruah, gave this quote to me and asked me to write on it…though she is a superb writer herself and I am sure she can do more justice to this….“Never let someone be your priority, while you remain their option,” it really struck a chord for me. In my life, I have made a lot of people my priority, sometimes to my deficit. Their needs came first, their wants came first, and sometimes if their needs and wants were too much, I would just stop thinking about myself. Every time I was romantically involved, there was no doubt in anyone's mind that the guy was a priority to me, above all (not really a good thing).  I do think that some of this comes from me wanting everyone to like me, and approve of me, and me being a big people pleaser, plus I am a giver.... and giving of my heart is included.

Today, I feel like I am an option to just about everybody, the only person that I think I am a priority to, is my Mom.  And, of course I am not a priority to my daughter, she is MY priority and I am her option, isn't that what we are trying to do for our children, teach them so that we don't have to be a priority in their lives and they can do for themselves.  I don't know whether my friends think that I am a priority to them…I know I am going to be kicked by some for this….sorry, but to most I am definitely sure, they consider me an option. Now, onto the greatest highlighter for me, I was never even a priority to my husband. I think I was when we were courting, but I haven't been one in a long time. From the beginning of our marriage, I tried to make him my number one priority, anyone new to marriage has a lot to learn, about not being selfish or self-centered, and though I am basically not a selfish person, even I learned some lessons about that.

Through the almost 15 years of our marriage, I did my best to make him my priority, and I definitely have been there, WHENEVER he has needed me in whatever way possible, (in good times and in bad and even in worse, in sickness and in health) and What I have struggled within my marriage to him, is that he has a mentality, (which I think he grew up with) that if I don't look out for myself, I am not going to get my fair share or no one else will. Therefore, I was not the priority in his life, and he has made sure that everything is even and fair and he isn't missing out or being taken advantage of. This has really broken me because if he thought that I am the type of person who would not be fair, would take advantage of him, HE NEVER KNEW ME AT All.

So, I am back to the topic - I am an option not a priority to just about everyone in my life.  And sometimes, I would like to be a priority in someone's life (besides my mother).  It actually rips me apart when I think about it, what wrong did I do to deserve this?

It takes two to make a relationship work and blossom into a beautiful thing. Everyone deserves to feel loved and respected, and there are really no excuses for making someone feel they have to chase after you….you should just let them go and stop wasting each others time. There are abusive people, ignorant and hurtful people, selfish and narcissistic beings and generally people have this sense they should be catered to.

I think we have all been through this sometime or the other in life, with hindsight, I would now keep my heart in my pocket and slowly take it out, and reveal it to someone who is worthy, its so easy to rush in a relationship especially when the attraction is (appears) mutual .The bible says, 'the heart is desperate', isn’t that so true!! That’s why you should slow down, don’t give too much, as it may frighten off the very one it yearns for. Because you appear so intense, if you pursue this person any further who probably is not worthy of you, it will just stab you all over with pain, and believe me, emotional wounds hurt much more than a physical ones. There are people who do collect hearts solely for their ego, some can be charming and clever, and may make you feel special , but don’t give your time to some one who has you in a queue, when you need a friend, they will be to busy for you ….. It has it taken me 15 years to find out; I hope it doesn’t take you that long.

Life is too short to waste time, energy and make someone your priority while you don't even exist on their list of priorites. We should use our energy ONLY on someone who make the same efforts like us. How much precious time have we wasted on someone, and they aren't even aware as to how much you have worked hard to make things work, and then at the end, look at you as if you're crazy or intense? Don’t accept less than what you deserve, and weed out the ones who only care about their own needs being met. “A relationship should complement, not complicate.” What a difference it makes when you’re surrounded by only those who bring out the best in you.

Because there is a population of soft hearted folks that put 100% into relationships...it becomes one sided while the other person is still looking...The old game, "What can you do to keep me with you?" ....physically there...physically giving themselves to you...but emotionally cheating…can't commit and appreciate what is given to them at the present. 

I have let lots of people do lots of things to me over the course of my life... Friends, lovers, acquaintances...
I treasure every interaction and experience... I learned something from the best and the worst of them also.

Someday, I would like to have the type of love with someone, where I KNOW I am a priority to him.

Life isn't about what people can do for you, but what you can do for people. Yes, it would be a lovely world if you could just ask what you can do for another person, but at some point, if they aren't doing anything for you, wouldn't you feel just a bit used?

Copyright@Motifs2011

Labels: priority,complement,relationship,option