LIVE-IN RELATIONSHIPS

A walk down a flower laden aisle, circles around a sacred fire, or even simple signatures on a document, marriage has a different representation in different people’s minds, but for all, I am sure, its sanctity is utmost. A very normal situation has now arisen, that is slowly replacing these images, and that is of a live-in couple. A live-in relationship is one in which two people, who are not married decide to live together in a house. If this idea was presented to our grandparents, they would gape at us, open-mouthed, and demand to know what devil had possessed us and made us think such insane thoughts! And who can blame them; such a situation is a very new one in the subcontinent, and has only started becoming popular over the past few years, and in essence, is preposterous.

India is widely known as a country with strong moral values and traditional integrity. Perhaps, that’s why bold exhibitions of romance go for a toss in such a typical society, least being something like live-in-relationships. Marriage as an institution is very old and popular in most parts of the world BUT recent trends show that many people are opting out of it and prefer the less committed form of ‘living in.’ It has been popular in the Western part of the world, where people are afraid of going through another marriage .... another divorce ....and the problems that come with divorce ....dividing up property, alimony, issue of child custody etc.  The union of a man and a woman is considered as one of the most sacred acts in this country. No wonder, living together before marriage is a sour dampener for the staunch ethic upholders. However, the new millennium has ushered in great changes even within the country that has forever been enshrouded in a blanket of rich culture and heritage.

Human relationships are complex and fragile. Sometimes, or increasingly of late, after seeing each other exclusively for a while, they talk about the possibility of co-habiting or living together before even contemplating marriage. Of course there are those who are happy to consensually and permanently enter into a live in relationship without there ever being expectations of marriage. But most couples agree to live together hoping to base their decision about whether or not to get married on the outcome of the live in relationship. Why is it that there are some couples ready to leap into marriage while there are others who would like to go through a 'trial period' before committing themselves to marriage? For these couples, living together may be considered just - a 'sort of litmus test' to prepare themselves before marriage.

The reason most couples give in for living together is, to check their ‘compatibility quotient.’ If they feel they are not compatible, they separate. Others do it because it is convenient; they are anyway spending most of their time in each other's homes so why not conserve time and energy? Some even decide to get married, but live together during the engagement period, as it cuts their expenses and works out better economically. A small percentage even lives together because most of their friends are in live-in relationships and they don't want to be considered the odd ones out. And in yet others, there is a basic, deep-rooted fear of a lifelong commitment like marriage, either because they have been hurt in the past or are offspring of traumatic divorce, and another reason is homosexuality All said and done, living together is a big decision, one not to be taken lightly. It will have long-term repercussions on the relationship, so it's worth weighing the pros and cons.

It’s better to have a live-in relationship rather then having a divorced life! This is common and quite a rational line favoring live-in relations in the world. The word live in is controversial in many terms in eastern countries. The legal definition of live in relationship is “an arrangement of living under which the couples which are unmarried live together to conduct a long-going relationship similarly as in marriage.” Live-in relationships can be encouraged as it gives the partners a chance to understand each other. The partners are free from any social obligations and can hence live without any guilt. They reduce the number of divorces and the mental torture families go through. It reduces domestic violence as the partner can leave anytime.

In an observation that will cheer votaries of pre-marital sex and live-in-partners, the Supreme Court has passed the verdict that a man and woman living together without marriage cannot be construed as an offence.
"When two adult people want to live together what is the offence. Does it amount to an offence? Living together is not an offence. It cannot be an offence," a three judge bench of Chief Justice K G Balakrishnan, Deepak Verma and B S Chauhan observed. The court said even Lord Krishna and Radha lived together according to mythology. The apex court said there was no law which prohibits live-in relationship or pre-marital sex.

‘The law does not stop the man to have a live-in relationship unless the wife complains against the relationship’.

SOURCE: DNA INDIA

Drawbacks of a live-in relationship are quite evident – the social stigma attached. The level of compatibility before marriage becomes entirely different after marriage. Problems can occur, but that can happen between a married couple also. In a live-in relationship, commitment is only mutual as there is no social thumbnail attached to it. Hence the partners need to really understand each other very well. The other problem that one faces in a live in relationship is soon things look boring - a year, two, three or in five years time, some time down the line, it may happen. So why take a chance when you can make things right, right before it starts. Do things spontaneously with your partner, that's interesting and unpredictable.

Researchers have come to an understanding that partners who stay together before marriage, in most cases, end up with a break up. And this may sound bitter, but it's an emerging truth that one has to face. If one goes by definition, live in relationships, predominantly meant for couples who were either too busy with social responsibilities or for those who weren't willing to take up much commitments.
The list can go on forever….There is infinite possibilities that one can incorporate to make it a pleasurable journey. After all, it's the journey and not the destination that matters.

Copyright Motifs2010
Labels: Love, arranged, marriage, couple,relationships
Pictures:Courtesy Google Images

Special note of thanks to my fellow blogger, Satwinder Singh, who suggested this idea and helped me do this.