I am an ordinary woman, whose intelligence is not note-worthy, talents are not too great, looks aren't worthy of an awe, and I know hundred years down the line no one will remember me. But that does not mean I am not an important as a woman. I know I try too hard, falling many a times, smiling a lot, laughing very often and for that I think I am worthy enough to live on this earth. I became the woman everyone around wanted me to be. At least I tried to, and in that process I forgot my very own existence; someone who had always wanted something special out of life, who had wanted to achieve certain goals and make her own identity. Overnight this young girl with her head full of dreams changed into a woman who actually lived for others, trying to please everyone, as a daughter-in-law, a wife and finally as a mother.
There were times when I wanted to stand up and shout loud enough for all to hear. Look at me damn it. It’s me. I like the way I look, and I like the way I think and feel, and also like the way I give love. Don’t make me feel like less a woman, just because I AM A WOMAN, and just because I cannot fit in your mould!! No woman is born in this world to handle every punch that is thrown at her. Women are not made that way. We may be highly emotional, angry, mad, upset, cry at a moment’s notice, but and at the end of it all, aren't we the ones who handle everything that is thrown our way?
A woman who has the gift and ability to bring life into this world needs to be cherished, loved and made feel special. This certainly did not happen with me. I was lonely, depressed, and aware of what was happening around me. I accepted infidelity because it’s a man’s world. I used to be fine one moment and the very next feel totally empty. I wanted to laugh, cry, smile, be difficult, stubborn, hoping someone would pick me up and restore my sanity. There was no one!!! I felt lost, alone and not connected with the world that surrounded me as if I was not capable of being with normal people.
I would often wonder that may be someday I will be able to trust someone who will love me forever, someone who will never hurt me, someone who will wipe out the negative thoughts and the scars with which I was living. At the same time, I hated myself for bringing such thoughts which I knew could never happen. The question was, should I just give up and try to find peace in being alone because loneliness had become my best friend for a very long time now?
One cannot change destiny. And yes, miracles happen with people as ordinary as me as well. I found someone who changed my life overnight, gave me a purpose to live to be happy. He is always on my mind and I wish I could give him all my time. He is the one to whom I can tell all my secrets to, who will not judge me for everything I do. All my life I had waited for someone who heard me and not just listened. He became the one who made me smile, who in return needed me like no one else had before. He made me feel like a complete woman; loved, cherished and wanted. This became my secret...my reason to live, my source of happiness.
Am I wrong in doing so? As a normal human being don't I have the right to deserve happiness? My love is trying to make me stronger because I have become weak. Love is trying to make me learn how to love as I had forgotten the meaning. Love is trying to make me fearless because I have been afraid. Love is trying to make me wise because I have been foolish and most of it all love is making me smile because I have known sadness!!
When I see happy couples together, I feel envy knowing that this kind of happiness is not for me...I still have my own life to lead, complete all the promises I have made, look after my family.
At least today, I can say I am a woman who is loved ...a woman who is beautiful..a woman who is mentally secure and above all I CAN SAY .....I AM ALSO SPECIAL!!!