Tuesday, October 26, 2010

I am a Woman


I am an ordinary woman, whose intelligence is not note-worthy, talents are not too great, looks aren't worthy of an awe, and I know hundred years down the line no one will remember me. But that does not mean I am not an important as a woman. I know I try too hard, falling many a times, smiling a lot, laughing very often and for that I think I am worthy enough to live on this earth. I became the woman everyone around wanted me to be. At least I tried to, and in that process I forgot my very own existence; someone who had always wanted something special out of life, who had wanted to achieve certain goals and make her own identity. Overnight this young girl with her head full of dreams changed into a woman who actually lived for others, trying to please everyone, as a daughter-in-law, a wife and finally as a mother.                                                                                                                                    
There were times when I wanted to stand up and shout loud enough for all to hear. Look at me damn it. It’s me. I like the way I look, and I like the way I think and feel, and also like the way I give love. Don’t make me feel like less a woman, just because I AM A WOMAN, and just because I cannot fit in your mould!! No woman is born in this world to handle every punch that is thrown at her. Women are not made that way. We may be highly emotional, angry, mad, upset, cry at a moment’s notice, but and at the end of it all, aren't we the ones who handle everything that is thrown our way?

A woman who has the gift and ability to bring life into this world needs to be cherished, loved and made feel special. This certainly did not happen with me. I was lonely, depressed, and aware of what was happening around me. I accepted infidelity because it’s a man’s world. I used to be fine one moment and the very next feel totally empty. I wanted to laugh, cry, smile, be difficult, stubborn, hoping someone would pick me up and restore my sanity. There was no one!!! I felt lost, alone and not connected with the world that surrounded me as if I was not capable of being with normal people. 

I would often wonder that may be someday I will be able to trust someone who will love me forever, someone who will never hurt me, someone who will wipe out the negative thoughts and the scars with which I was living. At the same time, I hated myself for bringing such thoughts which I knew could never happen. The question was, should I just give up and try to find peace in being alone because loneliness had become my best friend for a very long time now? 

One cannot change destiny. And yes, miracles happen with people as ordinary as me as well. I found someone who changed my life overnight, gave me a purpose to live to be happy. He is always on my mind and I wish I could give him all my time. He is the one to whom I can tell all my secrets to, who will not judge me for everything I do. All my life I had waited for someone who heard me and not just listened. He became the one who made me smile, who in return needed me like no one else had before. He made me feel like a complete woman; loved, cherished and wanted.  This became my secret...my reason to live, my source of happiness. 

Am I wrong in doing so? As a normal human being don't I have the right to deserve happiness? My love is trying to make me stronger because I have become weak. Love is trying to make me learn how to love as I had forgotten the meaning. Love is trying to make me fearless because I have been afraid. Love is trying to make me wise because I have been foolish and most of it all love is making me smile because I have known sadness!!                                                                                                                    
When I see happy couples together, I feel envy knowing that this kind of happiness is not for me...I still have my own life to lead, complete all the promises I have made, look after my family.
At least today, I can say I am a woman who is loved ...a woman who is beautiful..a woman who is mentally secure and above all I CAN SAY .....I AM ALSO SPECIAL!!!

Copyright Motifs@2010
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51 comments:

  1. Love this. This is so close to every woman's heart...well, almost every woman. The frustration is apparent and I can so empathize with this. It's like my mirror just spoke to me. Big hugs to you. Live your dreams. I have to tell myself that as well. Gosh...How much strength love gives and and how it weakens us as well.
    Cheers
    Sandy

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  2. This is really well written.....every women should realize her worth...
    Keep up the good work...i want to see many more of these beautifully written stuff
    Take care,
    Anila

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  3. OMG...ur writing gives sucha good feeling and this is the most amazing thing i've ever read..really!!

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  4. Very soulful, a woman has different shades to her personality..well executed!

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  5. Beautifully written and expressed...n very touching,it hit a cord within my soul...Every woman's story...I have forgotten what love means...anymore.....would love to read more...take care

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  6. Lvd every bit of it....so beautifully written alpana......................................................................dunno what to say....

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  7. It was a great experience reading your thoughts. You have brought forward a woman's anguish so beautifully.I did not know that you had such great talent and were so good with words.Papa would have been so proud of you today.Keep writing ..Beta.God bless you and be happy.Remember I am always there for you!

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  8. You are a Brave and Beautiful Woman..... words straight from the heart will surely touch and give courage to many other hearts ......... keep writing ..... the end results are more than just reading!!!!

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  9. Hi Alpana,
    Good talking to you today. You are brave & beautiful so don't sell yourself short. I was really touched by what you wrote. It's therapeutic, so continue writing & you have a flair too. All the best,
    love..pram di

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  10. Hi Alpana this piece is written aptly as it expresses a womens desires truthfully. Its only human to dream and even fantasize and to seek happiness.We always live life for others and in doing so we tend to forget ourselves but in the process we are left hurting and unhappy desiring for our dreams.So common gals lets live a little for ourself ,FOR ME, without the guilt feeling.

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  11. Hi Alpana,
    Can't believe this, thought u'd written this for me. Your words sound so true and genuine. Your writing has touched my soul.... Keep moving.....Great going..Love to read more.
    Regards and love
    Zahida

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  12. @Sandy:I love you..what you mean to me cannot be expressed..Thank you for giving me a chance to live life again. @Aniladi:You are the best sister in this world,just be with me always. @Aditi:You are my second baby..thanks and lots of love to you. @Seema:I know your pain,you have to be strong,and remember I am there for you. @Sushma:Thank you..even after all these years I know I can count on my friends. @Mummy:You are my world..I love you and I know God could not have given me a better mom..I need you always Mummy. @Carolaan:You are one of the most genuine person I have come across..Thanks for everything and especially for what you said today. @Pramila Di:Thank you ,you know me since I was a kid ..and your words mean a lot..I am thankful for having someone like you in my life. @Reshma:Thank you..you have been my friend since thirty two or more years..Just remain as you are..lots of love to you. @Zahida:I have always looked up on you ever since we first met..eight years now..You have been a source of inspiration to me..don't ever let go of me.

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  13. I loved the thing written by u...should be the story of every married woman...it touched my soul...thought that it was me u were writing about.....loved it,really...beautiful....

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  14. Expressive, Incredible, and courageous.Thumbs up to you. Thanks for giving us the courage and reason to be happy in life.keep up the good work.

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  15. Fantastic Alpu!! the voice of every woman...love it

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  16. Very beautifully written!!! Keep it up...can't wait for the next one... :-)

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  17. Superb and impressive!!
    Your writing is pictorial.. Readers can see whatever you have written
    You have Excellent talent of writing. Please keep it up. Wish you Good Luck!!

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  18. Gosh, Alpana. I had a lump in my throat as I read your blog. Words escape me...

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  19. Mamma,you have not let me read this but I am sure it must be great..I love you and I want you to keep on writing..so that you remain happy!

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  20. @Roshni..Thank you...for this and all the love you have showered upon me . @Sarda...I love you and its true .time,distance does not mean a thing between friends. @Swati...Thank you..Friends are forever. @Hansiks..my baby..love u always and you know what you mean to me. @Vineet..Thank you..your words mean a lot to me..just be my friend always. @Sayoni...Its hard to imagine what we were back in college...time changes everything..thanks and lots of love to you. @Aishani..Thank you sweetheart..sorry...when the time comes I will let you read this..in the mean time..just be as you are..my lil princess.

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  21. Alpu Mausi..You ARE GREAT..I LOVE YOU ALWAYS.

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  22. Too Good...we love u n keep on writing.

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  23. It brought tears to my eyes..seemed as though you've written about me..you write so well...Superb!

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  24. @Kush...Thank you,and I love you too. @Dipti...I know there are some people who really love me and you are one of them..Thanks for being there. @Suman....Thanks..every woman will connect to some part of this article..I have also..You are strong and you deserve all the happiness in this world.

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  25. Dear Alpana,
    Nice to hear from you and learn that you and Aishani are doing well.
    I liked the articles you sent, though they seem to be very
    autobiographical. Good thoughts, well expressed.
    Love,
    Mukta

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  26. Thank you ..Ma'am..I still need to learn a lot..your words mean a great deal to me...autobiographical..that's another story..I will call you.Miss you, all all my love to you Ma'am.

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  27. Well said Alpana. Some resounding truths that I am sure all of us share. Keep up the writing. Anuja

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  28. Anuja..Thank you..for being there..bearing with my worries..and I value every advice you give.

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  29. Great write. Infact reminds me of a song by Bonnie Tyler. Lyrics given below:~
    **i'm just a woman
    You are the only man

    "I need you always
    You need me now and then
    I'm just a woman
    You are the only man

    I'm just your puppet
    You make me dance and sing
    You know I love it
    Letting you pull my string
    I'm just a woman
    You are the only man

    *and I know if you choose
    Yon can throw me away
    Like some old shoe
    But as long as you're there
    From the bottom or my heart
    I don't care

    I 'm just the lover
    You want along the way
    I try to do it
    But you always start to play
    I'm just a woman
    You are the only man"

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  30. Thank you Roshan..I know you understand...thats all that matters.

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  31. As I said, Love indeed, is like a sinking ship. But there is not always a Jack for every Rose. Sad.

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  32. That Is absolutely beautiful and so touching ...

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  33. You are one amazing women..the every women and yet so unique.. You can see the amazing blogger we all love so well in this writing!!!


    http://jpweddingphotograpy.blogspot.com/2011/05/rock-bye-baby.html

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  34. Hello Alpana -

    "Am I wrong in doing so? As a normal human being don't I have the right to deserve happiness?"

    Yes ma'am, of you course you deserve all the happiness the world has to offer. For along time, I tried to look outward for my happiness; meaning I left it upon other shoulders, in other people's eyes, and for them to provide this happiness for me. I am wrong. Happiness is a spiritual thing. It comes from within us all. It helps me when I don't have expectations for other people, places, and things. This allows to more fully enjoy happiness in each moment, little joys that are there everyday for me to experience. Great post! :)

    http://charlienitric.wordpress.com/

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  35. Be to her virtues very kind,
    Be to her faults a little blind.
    ~Matthew Prior

    a woman is very delicate,
    a woman is her own strength
    yet a woman needs all the love,
    the understanding and care,
    a pamper to make her feel like
    she is also human,
    a HARMONIC FLAIR.

    you have portrayed woman in an explicit way, loved reading you.

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  36. i see thirty five blessing of love and happiness i think you have sprung a leak it is spilling out all over the world . thank you and god bless great post

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  37. The journey may have been long and difficult, the destination you are arriving will have made it all worth while. As always your writing is beautiful and emotive. Thank you for allowing your spirit and love to touch us all

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  38. True life story of a woman! A woman is born for sacrifice, still she is always underestimated, harassed, tortured and ignored too.

    I liked this article very much. Sacrifice of own dreams to make happy every relation - That is a woman!!!

    But father, husband, brother, son......any relation, rarely I see males feel this sacrifice and their real strengh, a woman.

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  39. You are really amazing , sweetheart :)
    well said mohinee :)
    “Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.”
    liked this post !!!!

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  40. As a woman as an individual you have all right to live your life! Best wishes for this Christmas and a Happy New Year ahead!

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  41. Beautifully carved from the mind and soul!!!

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  42. beautifully written, loved reading it....

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  43. beautifully written words comin straight from ur heart....loved reading it...verrrryyyyy beautful

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  44. Truly superb and impressive writing!I am sure a lot of readers can relate with what you have just written.

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  45. Seriously awesome post. But to be frank, love is the most overated of emotions...thats for marketing.

    You will be more happy being mindful about your self. the little things you be aware about and smile to yourself. Those things.

    Thats the reason, sages choose path of self realisation...one of them is love for one self = love for god :)

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  46. The post obviously is something that everyone woman could relate with. The comments on this post are also worth a read. I love the way you have analyzed your needs, desires and strengths. All I could say is feel proud of your self... 'coz when you are a woman.. you are so much more!!
    God Bless.

    Will come back for more!


    Love
    SunSandRain

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  47. Everything you've said requires huge amounts of courage....and even more to actually live up to the words. Beautiful post.

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  48. Love... and live life to the fullest. I am not sure how much you can give to your new found source of support, because the already made commitments cannot be shunned away at one go.

    But its a great feeling to be loved.

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  49. Love... and live life to the fullest. I am not sure how much you can give to your new found source of support, because the already made commitments cannot be shunned away at one go.

    But its a great feeling to be loved.

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