Thursday, February 3, 2011

Sometimes the blues are just a passing bird

This one is for you, Abhi....Thank you for everything.
Do you ever have one of those days when you're feeling depressed for no reason at all? Have you ever heard the saying, "Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone"? That is exactly how it feels when you are sad or depressed. It is as though there is nobody around to help you get away from the blues. It might be the season, the time of the month, dynamics with your family or just because life isn't going your way. There are some ways to get relief, without the side effects of medicines, but who wants to get addicted to them.
Signs of feeling blue…. anxiety, irritability, physical aches and pains, insomnia "empty" moods, pessimism, helplessness, loss of interest in pleasurable activities, headaches, persistent digestive disorders, chronic pain that won't go away, appetite changes, decreased energy, oversleeping and thoughts of suicide. 

Why am I in the dumps? How come I feel blue? I'm depressed, not in the clinical sense, but in the everyday usage of the word; you know, I'm experiencing "the blahs." Why is this happening? After asking so many questions, it's only fitting that I provide some answers. So, I'll explain why I and others feel blue, why it's an important subject. No wonder I'm feeling blue, life is a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs. Do you like to go on roller coaster rides? It can be expensive, especially when you're treating the whole family. No one likes to part with their hard earned cash. It can be a painful experience to do so. Yet, isn't it worth the price of admission? Well, guess what? Life is an amusement park and pain and suffering are the price of admission. Is it worth the price? Besides, once we realize the challenges we face are the tools which make us better and stronger, we can suffer without suffering. That is, in our suffering we can be at peace instead of in anguish.

As Henry Ward Beecher wrote, "Affliction comes to us, not to make us sad but sober; not to make us sorry but wise."
Carl Jung adds, "Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along with patience and equanimity."

I know it may sound easy to say, but in reality....ask the very person who is in this frame of mind. As for me, I don't know what is wrong with me, whether it is a mental or physical disease or what! I think they are due more to the lack of sleep I'm getting. I am really tired but just don't seem to be able to sleep right through the night. I have also started to cry for no, or for really pathetic reasons. Last time I cried I found my self just flinging myself against the walls just to let this anger out of me. I don't feel like eating at all. I have no drive to do anything and I just feel low. I can’t shake this feeling even though I know logically, I shouldn’t be feeling it. I have many friends, a caring and supportive family, everyone seems to like me (I’ve been described as very happy-go-lucky at times) when they get to know me, and (though a few years ago I didn’t) I am mostly happy with who I am and the direction my life is heading. And yet, I still feel like no-one thinks like me. I can’t relate to anyone, or make any real personal connection with anyone (although many would say they feel they have with me). I can’t shake this feeling.

I’ve pretty much felt this way long time. But since I’ve become independent, the feeling has stayed with me…..and it’s just not going….and I thought it would. Pretty much everything that I’ve been unhappy with in my life I have, are fixed. I’ve gone down some bad paths in the past, but have fixed that as well. My mindset and philosophies on life are quite positive now and through that I am able to deal with the feeling it gives me. But I can’t shake this feeling. I’m not asking for a cure, I’ve pretty much accepted that it’s probably never going to go away, and I have accepted it as part of me. Although, there are people who are much worse off and more unfortunate, but at this moment I dislike everything about my life.
I feel alone all day everyday, from morning to night. I really don't have anyone to talk to. It's hard to keep feelings bottled up inside of you and pretend to be something you're not. I'm tired of pretending to be happy…. I'm tired of trying to find excuses why I like to be on my own. And I’m so freaking tired of answering questions, for which I too don’t have any answers. There is not a moment when I'm not thinking twice about what I'm saying, what I'm doing, the way I walk, the way I talk....etc. And it exhausting, mentally and also physically. It used to be hard, now it's depressing. Everything mounts up and it weighs heavy on my heart. It's actually harder for me to breathe now because of all that stuff that's inside. And here's the thing, I know I have lost so many opportunities in my life, and as if that's not hard enough, I know for sure that I can’t just have them back in my life…it is like asking God a bit too much now.

You know what I want? A fresh start…. I want to start from scratch and make new friends and introduce my self as ME instead of I hope that's not too far away. But I am also the kind of person who doesn't let go of her past so easily. So I don't know how that's going to work out, but I have to take the risk, its worse not taking it. 

I'm really looking forward to meeting you all….my new friends, who have been a positive influence in my life….and are still trying…I am trying also…many of you have noticed the change….but wounds take time to heal….and that’s what I don’t have….I have so many things to do…. Or else, time will leave me behind.

I just wanted to know if anyone out there feels the same. Is this something everyone feels to some degree? Or is there something inherently wrong with me?

Life doesn't end today and doesn’t start tomorrow; each minute of stress is a wasted time that's why I wish a little madness and a little imagination so that I can see life better than usual.

Copyright @Motifs2010
Labels: blues, low, alone, feelings, unhappy
Pictures: Courtesy Google Images
Title: Courtesy Hansika Sahu


  1. Allow me to be the first to comment.There's nothing wrong with you Alpana.Life is all about ups and downs.You just need some change and see how beautiful friends you got.Live this new life to it's fullest.I am always here along with all your friends to give you reasons to smile. :D

  2. Well I am going to quote you back Alpana - "Life is an amusement park and pain and suffering are the price of admission." We all go through this to some extent - for some its less for other more. Get on top of the problem and ride it instead of letting the problem ride you.... You are worth much much more than that - Lots of love amazing woman...

  3. But Alpu, life is like that sweetie, full of ups and downs, you're going through the down, which means the up is not far away...remember it gets darkest before dawn! We're all there for you buddy...hang in there, you're brave and you will be just fine!!

  4. You are wonderful,you have faced a lot in is clearly are in pain...its a passing phase..may God give you the strength to cope up.

  5. My admiration for you is increasing ..your posts are the true essence,you are a woman of substance...and I admire you for that.

  6. Great write up as are too good.

  7. You rock sweetheart...

  8. Alpana, sharing a quote with you...Happiness and sadness run parallel to each other. When one takes a rest, the other one tends to take up the slack. ~Hazelmarie Elliott (“Mattie”)..So don't feel bad about life, happiness is around the corner....nice post but don't be so

  9. You touched me....we have part of the same brain....I am are there...I look forward to connecting....AS always ..As always...XOXOXOXO

  10. alpana don't think so dear,every thing will be ok give some time i know it's difficult but control ur self n look forward n take care....luv u

  11. lots of people are having this feeling in their life but you have to get out of this state yourself dear,live for yourself and see how positive you will become..

  12. Alpu..cheer up.Plan a trip to Indore....I have a magical hug that takes away all blues and yellows. I mix a little rum with it and a few vodka shooters too:) You're beautiful re....You have lovely eyes and hair...walk out...chill a little and leave the worrying to Baba...He NEVER Fails:)

  13. There is nothing wrong with you other than the fact that you are human. Every has a place that they escape to, somewhere where they are safe. So many people in the world today are quick to judge others. It's unfortunate, but true. And sometimes, we just don't have the energy to deal with that, so we go to our 'safe' place. You will be alright:)

  14. Hi Alpana,

    Sorry I wrote your name wrong in the previous post. Actually Quite confused ..between Alpana and Arpana.

    Hmm there are Ups and downs in life , and to face those tough time is easy for us to comment ..but actually is hell of a tough ask really.
    But from the experience I would say , its better to keep our self busy , so not second thought of negativity intrude into our mind and makes it unstable.

    Life is a vicious circle so we must keep trying irrespective of thinking of failures they only makes us firm believer ..just like spider after lots of failures do come victorious.

    So the key to the success in every situation is keep your cool and stay +ve ..even you see no way to choose from.
    I would finally conclude we must forge ahead like a river ..and make our own way while..meeting trouble , it will make only make us more vigorous in the approach to achieve our goals.

    All the best in your Journey of life.

    Take care.

  15. I have been on your blog silently many a times, didn't leave a comment though. But I couldn't stop myself from commenting this time.

    "Life doesn't end today and doesn’t start tomorrow; each minute of stress is a wasted time."

    Completely agree with you Alpana. Beautifully penned, it had a smooth flow and I really enjoyed my stay here! :)

    Keep blogging! :)

  16. Life always throws us curve balls. We are put through these experiences to question our being and to move or grow further into the being you are striving to be.
    To observe your emotions while remaining detached from them helps. We are but human hence the various layers of emotions will emerge. You will do just fine........

  17. I think we all go through periods in our life where we feel as you describe.
    I would caution that if this continues you need to see a doctor. Our bodies are very good at telling us something is wrong the problem is more with our mind not listening. If you have gone through a major life changing event ; sickness, divorse or a loss in the family that could very well be the root of your feelings. We all need help at points in our lifes don't be afraid to ask.
    Good Luck, I will be reading your blog with the hope of seeing you change from the blues.

  18. Everybody has these feelings from time to time. It could be sign for us to take a moment to reflect on what is not working for us in our lives. All of our feelings are valid; just because we feel bad doesn't make us bad people. Take it one step at a time. Really. {{hugs}}

  19. Thank you all for your comments...unless you don't feel pain,or the lows,you can't judge what the other person is going through...and @Anonymous: Thank you for your would be nice if you could come out from your"Anonymous" profile,to teach me as to how I should be more evolved to understand simple things of life.And thank you for the comparison with my dog..I love dogs,and treat them like anyone one of us.

  20. Nothing is wrong with you sweetheart..some of us go through this kind of mess in life because God always tries to test the ones He loves the most..I'm sure He has some special plans for you. You'll come out of this moment of crisis very soon..let me tell you one you look much more confidant..much more prettier than before..its his loss whoever made you feel this way..don't be sad and hurt yourself for somebody who never cared for you and didn't know your value. Once this phase slowly fades'll find a new YOU within you and you'll find it difficult to even think that you had so much power in you..people will know you as ALPANA.
    As Elbert Hubbard said, " The best way to prepare for life is to begin to live."
    Love you and am with you. Want you to be happy always.

  21. Thank you Suman,I know you understand me..its when you experience pain,then can you relate to others,thanks for always being by my side.

  22. Very you and am with you

  23. Alpana,
    Sweetness there is nothing wrong with you what so ever. Yo are a kind, beautiful lady with a heart of gold. You are a loving mother and a good friend.
    When we hit ruff patches it make us appreciate the smooth easy going good time so much more.
    You have the power to make yourself not feel this pain. You deserve to be happy.
    You have friends who love and care about you know that in you heart of hearts.

  24. exactly the same feel im going through..


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