If this was my last day on earth, how would I want to spend it?
‘The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity.’ SenecaOkay, calm down, relax….let me drink some water….I would probably do this, if I survived the initial shock of this statement, after all who wants to die!! Then I will want to find out, is everybody in the world going to die in one day or is it just me? That might change a few things...Pray to go to heaven….if there is a place called heaven….or I will try to stop the earth from rotating... So that the next day never comes... lol!!
I might waste a lot of time wracking my brains, trying to find out how I should spend it…. I guess I would do everything humanly possible to make my last day the best! I will show my love to the ones, I care about the most so they remember me in a good way…. Spend most of it with my daughter….the only regrets I will have, of dying….making good long lasting memories…. would hold onto to her and never let go! Seriously, I would spend the whole time with my baby, squeezing her, and loving her along with my Mom, she has been my rock and I would tell her how much I love her, and how much I appreciate her. I would have to resolve everything and not hold back.
I might waste a lot of time wracking my brains, trying to find out how I should spend it…. I guess I would do everything humanly possible to make my last day the best! I will show my love to the ones, I care about the most so they remember me in a good way…. Spend most of it with my daughter….the only regrets I will have, of dying….making good long lasting memories…. would hold onto to her and never let go! Seriously, I would spend the whole time with my baby, squeezing her, and loving her along with my Mom, she has been my rock and I would tell her how much I love her, and how much I appreciate her. I would have to resolve everything and not hold back.
Gosh, if I was told this, I would spend most of it crying also, and holding on to my loved ones. The thought of only having one day to tell them everything I want them to know and remember would be so hard to do and the very thought of knowing that I would never see them and be with them again would be heartbreaking . I pray this never happens, I would rather not know I was dying then to have a time limit and wait with dread for this day to come.
Although I would want to get everything in order, I don't believe I would be able to keep my feelings out of the way long enough to do this. Like I said, I would be holding my family, friends and probably talking to my best friend, asking how this could have happened and trying to get everything I needed said before I passed away!!
And to think about the love of my life....I am getting goose bumps just at the thought of it....I am struggling with words now, can’t think as to how he will feel….and I don’t want to let go of him....someone I can feel in my heart and soul, someone who has taught me how to live...and completes in every way....and I will wish for that one day to be longer...don’t want to say goodbye to you ever...my journey with you has just begun. I will want to tell him that, no matter how far you are, no matter how long it will be, you will always be with me... I will see you always as clear as day, for our love knows no boundaries, because you see... our hearts are one, and mine is always home with you.
Or, my reaction might be something totally different, will go about doing my work as any other normal day. I prefer to die a natural death, do not want to let everyone know that I will die today. Why should I behave abnormally at the thought of death? What is it after all? I should know how to welcome death into my life. If I do that, death will probably hesitate and let me have a few more days. I might probably sit crying bitter in a dark corner, or in denial. I don’t know if I can't possibly know it’s for sure, and remain sane in the head.
The thought of being alone also crosses my mind; I think that I would want to spend my last day on earth alone, in a place that I've never visited before. I have always been mesmerized by lighthouses, so I would most probably shed my last tears, show my last smile, dream my last dreams, have my last laugh, and appreciate myself and the beauty of life for the last time on top of an old lighthouse. I would be sitting there alone, rethinking everything that I have done, and feeling all the emotions that I had in my short, but happy life. It would be the vagueness of the ocean that I want to see last...and while I am dying, I don't want any of my loved ones to see to me so....
"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." Mahatma Gandhi
My daughter believes that I am going to be around for a long time. That really is just her way of saying take care of yourself Mom, because I want and need you to be around. I don't ever want her to think that she will get caught up in how I died but more importantly, she will think about how I lived and especially how I was as a mother, remember me for being kind and loving in all that I did, and for not just saying that I loved her, but for expressing my love in every aspect of her life.
But I'm not dead, and I believe that I hope my daughter is correct in her prophesy, that I am going to be around for a long time. I still have time to make sure that she has only the best things to say about me when I do kick the bucket, and that's a real comforting thought.
I will want to say I'm sorry if I wasn't kind or loving enough to those I may have hurt. Why is being kind and loving the thing I want to be remembered for? Well, I have had enough arguments in my life, and being kind and loving is not something that anyone can argue with.
As I am writing further, I am beginning to consciously contemplate the choice of the word "tomorrow" over the insertion of the word "today". It may seem a debatable point, and yet I began to question myself as to why it is that I will reference a possible demise tomorrow, and not today? Some see talk of death as morbid and frightening. And I suppose if I were completely honest with myself and those who are reading this; I am more comfortable with reference to my death being a future reference. As I write this, I have no intentions of shortening of my days....and I don’t want to actually think about it also.
It has been said that the art of living successfully seems to be in holding two seeming opposite ideas in tension: to live our lives as though we would live forever, and to conduct ourselves as though we could die tomorrow….or today . Maybe we all live our lives unconsciously aware of our mortality, acknowledging its inevitability but hopeful that it will not become a reality today. And maybe unconsciously aware is not a bad thing. It keeps us mindful, on some level, of the fragility of human life, and also should inspire us to live our lives intentionally and mindfully. If at all my fate is to be diagnosed with something sinister in the future, I would hope to model grace and appreciation to my significant others and to my caregivers. In the meantime, living in the glorious state of not knowing the day or the hour, I hope to live with my eyes, ears and heart open. And if I really have to go, I will want my friends to gather round after I die and say, "Bon voyage! You sure knew how to go slow!"Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die….When is the time to let go?
Copyright@Motifs2011
Labels: Death, life, love, memories, heaven
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I can't Imagine .
ReplyDeletenice post as usual
What an interesting post my little mind is torn. Would I spend my last day with friends and family or indulge in whatever i have dreamed about as quickly as i can?
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